There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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