she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
