My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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