Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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