I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ladies don't puke and tell
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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