the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
