I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize