a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
