he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
this just has baby written all over it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize