Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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