Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
