i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
