He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
