Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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