I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
