I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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