im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
