I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
