were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
