Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
