Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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