Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
