I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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