I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
