Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
