She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
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I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
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He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.