The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.