My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
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They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need a beard to bite.