is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
