Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
