I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
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Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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