just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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