come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
