I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...