I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
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Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.