he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....