woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.