Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
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It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.