im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
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I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing