I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
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How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.