I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there