I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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