How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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