It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
