You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU