Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me