You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been