Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
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I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness