I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
