hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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