I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??