Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
