if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize