Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
