6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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