but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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