I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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