That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
