the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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