I heard we made out
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.