just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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