Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
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I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.