Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.