i already hear my dad disowning me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
