I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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